We have all heard the old expression: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” Well, what If I don’t want lemonade? Some of us have had our fill of lemons, I don’t want a pucker of lemons (the collective plural of a group of lemons!)
How do we remain positive when so many barriers to happiness get in our way? Well, one thing to do is to come to recognize the lemon; acknowledge that there is some sourness in life: illness, money worries, traffic, job issues, and of course being away from our friends and family when we need them the most. It is ok to feel down, frustrated, lonely and disappointed.
Don’t try to smile through the sourness, try putting a lemon wedge in your mouth and try to smile, you can’t. This is called toxic positivity: where we push on being positive and avoiding thinking about expressing negative emotions. You can’t have a “positive vibes only” attitude all day.
Some examples of toxic positivity might be:
- Saying that after a catastrophe that “well everything happens for a reason”,
- Telling someone to get over their grief or their loss, and that they should “focus on the positive”,
- Brushing off someone’s emotions and saying that “hey it could be worse” or “it is what it is”,
- Hiding or masking your real feelings.
Instead of “putting on a happy face”, instead:
- Allow yourself to have the emotions, explore them, write them down, draw them, sketch them, but let them out.
- Tell yourself that it is alright for you to have these emotions, and that it is normal.
- If you are with others that are having the same emotions and experiences, practice good listening skills and let them talk and feel the way they want to. They will be there to listen to you.
- There are no “right” or “wrong” ways to feel. Embrace the emotion and you then begin to acknowledge and move forward.
- Ask how you can support your loved ones.
Once you have explored these emotions and recognized them, find a way to add some sweetener to these lemons:
- Make a gratitude journal, write down the things that you are grateful for: a text that you received from a friend, a smile from a stranger, or even the sun coming out in the morning.
- Think of some self affirmations: “I deserve to be happy”, “I will live in the present”, “I love myself and others love me” “I am a fighter and I will get through this”.
- Write a favorites list: what do you enjoy? Write down the things that bring you happiness and find a way to do at least one of those each day.
We sometimes get handed lemons, but the important part is making them into something that we can be content with: Lemon bars? Lemon cake with icing? Strawberry Lemonade?
