So, you didn’t get the promotion, or weren’t recognized in the meeting as a contributor to the solution. How do we smile in the face of loss or disappointment? How do we walk by our peers who saw us get slighted and worse, how to we look at our colleague who is now our superior? Recently, we have all had to deal with disappointment, from canceling a family trip, to missing out on going to our child’s or relatives graduation or wedding.
This is something that many of us have or will face, unless you were always picked first, always got the invite to the best party, and married the head cheerleader or star quarterback of our high school. There are and will be disappointments in life, how we handle this and how we react in front of others will reflect both internally and when out at the water cooler.
There are several things that we can do to help progress away from this emotion of sadness, some of these will work for you and some of these may not, find a mixture of what might help.
Try to understand your expectations and the extent of your qualifications.
Your reality and fantasy are not quite in synch, you feel that you are the best person for the job or that the competition is not the best choice. We feel that we put out the best impression, had the best responses and our credentials were second to none; but there is Todd walking around getting pats on the back or we watch Suzy unpacking her items in her new corner office. What do we do, how do we handle this setback?
Some people will blame themselves, negative self-talk and internalizing anger; others will blame others and lash out at those who “could have” or “should have” done more or better. Both of these are detrimental and are not going to lead them to improvement, but greater sadness and maybe even depression.
Try to take as step back and think about how much control you really had.
Were you able to control the decision made? There are internal and external loci of control, in other words, how much input did you have on the outcome? In some cases, you can ask what you could have “done better.” If there was nothing that you could have done, then look to the future and do not dwell on the past.
Is this going to affect you for the rest of your life or is there an opportunity for you “down the road?” If there is a “next time”, build yourself up and take this loss as learning opportunity or catalyst for personal growth.
What can you to do “move on”?
Unless you lost out on something that you had in order to reach for something you wanted, be grateful for what you do have. You applied for a better position and missed out, but you still have the one that you had? Good! Be happy that you still have that. Reconnect with what you do and evaluate what improvements, however slight, might make a difference.
Reevaluate your position. Is there something else that you might want instead of what you missed out on? Maybe it is time to look into pursuing it. Have you had a passion for photography but other things got in the way? Maybe that is what you need? Vera Wang didn’t design her first dress until she was 40, Stan Lee didn’t create his first comic until he was 39 and Steve Carell didn’t land his hit role in “the Office” until he was 42, just to name a few.